"My Father"--Who is in Heaven"

As I sit here and contemplate what to write and why....what I have come to know..looking back throughout the years of tears and heartaches. I so want to be real and to believe in a pure and undefiled religion...it is not religion that has saved BUT relationship..

I do not know how many times I read the Bible..I have had to purchase new Bibles through the years ..most the time because they were reminders of very negative thinking patterns and the only thing that seemed right was to get a new one and start over..Silly huh? Did it work?
Amazingly it did..I knew the writings hadn't changed ..the verses and chapters remained the same but I was able to see things in a new light.

Relationship...intimacy..being married to Christ...seeing Father God as just that MY Father..who Art in Heaven ,,hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come , Thy will be done..on earth as it is in Heaven. Give me this day my daily bread and forgive me of my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against me...lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, and power and Glory forever.Amen.

Jesus taught us to pray like this as an example. The church has taken the verse and we think we're doing it as we say the same thing to God as if it makes us something..I think it started out as a reverent prayer...when one doesn't know what to pray..this is what we say...It is quoting scripture ..that is a good thing I guess. I suppose I have repeated it enough through the years that it is in my head ..but it is not being in the head that matters ...it is the heart ..the matters of the heart..from the heart the mouth speaketh.

SO I am at My Father..who is in Heaven.. Holy is your name..Flashback to my dad..my earthly father. As that is what comes to mind..One that treated me like everyone else, that didn't attended my basketball games, that rubbed his whiskers against my face until I cried and screamed out as he held me tight and would laugh at my reaction, that would tease my friends so that didn't want to come to my place, that yelled at me because the house wasn't clean as there was no time as I was in school, that didn't listen to me when I talked...who came and sang religious songs with me when he was drunk..otherwise he had nothing to do with me. He called me "sis" a name I hated as I was not his sister I was his daughter..the only daughter he had.Honestly I hid in my room and played my guitar , read the Bible..My parents never allowed me to go with others as they didn't approve..I had not alot of friends..through out my life I was trying to honor my parents and obey the scripture as they taught ...as Holy is God..and how would one please God unless you obeyed? Honestly ..I tried to see God as everything my dad wasn't. I think because of the incest at 5 my thinking stayed on the magical side ..Black and white. My dad was Black and God was white.Then slap Holy on and it is like there is no way I can be apart of Him..

I hated the prayer it didn't bring me comfort--it was like Jesus your making the gap between me and your dad bigger. I am unable to see your Dad in that light..The first part is like He is an unapproachable God/Father..didn't make sense..yet Jesus went alone and prayed alot. He wanted to spend time with Him. and then Jesus says if we see Him we see the Father also. So what is the meaning and purpose of this prayer? Being not a Bible scholar but believe that God is no respecter of persons ..and He talks to each though the scripture and the Holy Spirit is able to teach to each one that is needed.. I am going to meditate on this prayer and to continue to share what it means......to me.